A: Nice pictures!
B: Thank you! Yes, we just got back from tropical island Z;
it was great!
A: Great?
B: Well, yes, we had a good time. I mean, the kids were a
bit rowdy, and I was... you know, to be honest, I was in a sort of a foul mood for
most of the week; but it was a beautiful place, nevertheless, and overall we
enjoyed ourselves - a lot!
A: How come that you went there?
B: What do you mean?
A: What led you to choose tropical island Z – to go there?
How have you heard of it, if I may ask?
B: We’ve seen pictures of it, and heard some stories from people
who’ve been there... you know?
A: Yes, but, if I may ask - why did you go there (as you could have gone somewhere else)? Or, better yet, why go anywhere?
B: I’m not sure I understand your questions...
A: I’m sorry; it’s just something that preoccupies me... Why
go anywhere? Or, why not go somewhere closer to home – some park...?
B: Well, you know, the image of a tropical island... the
white sands, the endless blue ocean, a few white clouds scattered over the otherwise
clear blue sky, the palm trees - all that... It’s – you know - the ideal image,
isn’t it?
A: Yes, “ideal” is a good word for it.
B: What do you mean?
A: That “ideal” is a word that we use to indicate an image
that we project of, of...
B: ... of the perfect spot?
A: ... of perfection, rather. You see, that’s what interests
me about all this – the reason why I ask; namely, why do we create for
ourselves such images, why do we chase such images?
B: I'm not sure that I get what you mean.
A: Well, you said that you saw pictures of this place (I
suppose, on social media), and I would say that they probably resonated with
something... something in you (sorry to presume, but I assume...)
B: Well, yes, yes! I always wanted to go to one of those
places...
A: Who wouldn’t?
B: ... white sands, blue ocean, palm trees – I mean, this is
the kind of place that you see in the movies: where people retire, at the end
of the heist movie, after having escaped the cops – and then they buy a bar there,
and spend their lives on the beach – or?
A: Indeed, indeed – right you are. But... now that you’ve been
there, is now – I mean, is that need, that desire for these kinds of a places - is it
now... fulfilled?
B: Need? Desire? What do you mean, exactly?
A: Well, like you mentioned – the need or desire that made
you “always want to go to one of those places”... (and me as well, by the way; I am no different).
B: Well, it’s a nice place...
A: Yes, but you mentioned “ideal,” and movies... That’s
what I am referring to – the apparent need (shared by you, me, and those moviemakers) that
drives us all toward such “ideal” places.
B: ...
A: And yes, yes, I know that they’re nice. But, here it is –
we go to the pristine beach, to a spectacular waterfall, to the virgin forest, or
to the icy-blue mountaintop – and, does that "need" ever cease? Is it ever... fulfilled?
Do we ever just go there, and then just... sit and rest, as it were ... accomplished,
fulfilled... complete?
B: Ha, ha - well, I can’t say that you are not right,
in a way, you know? Truth be said, while I am still living off the sensory
memories of the warm days and starry nights spent on the beach (not staying up too
late, though, because we had to put the kids to sleep), I know that in a couple
of months me and my wife will start thinking about our next destination...
A: Yes, yes, that’s what I mean...
[A seems to be looking for the right words... Brief silence.]
A: Well, you know, the reason why I’m asking... You
mentioned that you saw those pictures, of tropical island Z, online somewhere.
B: Yes.
A: My question is, why do we post these kinds of images... – besides
the fact that they’re nice (which they are!). What I am referring to is – did
you notice that every day we are, I don’t know, bombarded by not just nice images,
but news stories, pretty videos, inspirational messages about ... some place,
some people, some things, some ways of doing things...
B: ...
A: You know, those news stories about... about how in
Finland, for example, they have eliminated homework in their schools, and how
that has created the “best educational system ever”; or how in Italy there is
this valley where people live to a hundred years, and we wonder about their
diet and their lifestyle, and what we could take over from their habits; or how in
Japan the transportation minister resigned last year (or was it the year before?)
because the trains had a cumulated delay (across the entire year!) of one
minute and thirty seconds...
B: ... yes, and?
A: ... or how, according to studies done by some British researchers,
this or that country in Scandinavia is considered to be “the happiest” in the
world...
B: ... yes, and?
A: Or, or – and I promise that I’ll end with this – how about those videos made by that young Chinese woman, showing us the simple rural life, and how
to cook using only simple tools and natural ingredients...
B: And?
A: Well, aren’t these just as much “ideal places” (or ways
of being, or of doing things), not unlike your tropical island Z? “Ideal images”
that we keep sharing, and reading about – always trying to find – the next one?!
(And, my question is - why?)
B: What do you mean?
A: Well, my question is - why this endless stream of stories,
images, messages, coming at us every day, all proposing some other
place, other life, other country, other way of, I don’t
know, being?
B: Because these are models of how to live better, or where
to live better, and so on! ...aren’t they?
A: Yes, but once we learned about them - and once we start doing
that diet, or after we move to country X in Scandinavia... well, does our search actually end,
then? Are we satisfied, fulfilled, finito - done?
B: Well, no; clearly not. In fact, the place where we live
right now, in this country – me and my family just moved here a couple of years
ago from...
A: But that’s it!... Sorry to interrupt you – but that’s
exactly it! That’s what... that’s what’s been keeping me up at night, lately – or, to be honest, for the past couple of years, in fact.
B: Really? What, more precisely?
A: Well, trying to think about, and to actually get to terms
with, the fact that we are engaged in this, I don’t know, seemingly endless
pursuit, never satisfied by anything that we find. Trying to
understand why it is so. What we are chasing. Or, better yet, why we are engaged in this chase – what is driving or chasing us...
B: You mean, why are we always, even if we go to any of
these places, still... I mean, why do we remain “hungry” for more?
A: “Hungry”! – “hungry” is a good word! Well, yes, what is
this - as you said - deep “hunger,” or need,
or whatever it is, that fuels this endless chase – for some thing or things that
seem to always remain just a bit too far, just beyond our reach, just there, around
the line of the horizon... So, I’ve
been asking this... it's been preoccupying me...
[Pause. They sit in silence, glancing through the window of the compartment at
the fields that are rushing past their train.]
A: [breaking the silence] Are you familiar with Graham
Greene? The writer?
B: No... well, I’ve
heard the name, but I do not know much about him...
A: A great writer... Anyway, one of the volumes of his
memoirs is titled, “Ways of Escape.”
B: “Ways of Escape?” Why, why did he call it that?
A: It’s called that because it chronicles the many ways in
which Greene had been running - trying to run away...
B: Running away from what?
A: Away – from his native England, from his wife, from the
Western world (the book was written around the middle of the twentieth century –
or that’s when those things took place), from... well, at the end of the day, from
himself, actually; he was trying to run away from himself, in fact.
B: And (just out of curiosity) where did he try to run
away?
A: Well, to the Far East, to various instantiations of the “Third
World” (as it was then called) ... but, you know, not just to places, but to
things, ideas, persons; for example, to a beautiful Vietnamese mistress, to
causes and revolutions, to opium dens... Opium - what more of a “way of escape” can one even think of!
B: Not very much of a way of escape, I would say; more of a
way of self-enslavement.
A: Well, yes, long-term; but, for the moment, I guess it
works - as an escape.
B: So... what about it? Why did you bring this up – Graham
Greene?
A: Because, while at the end of the day all these “ways of
escape” turned out to be futile, fruitless (so, it is kind of sad, his story,
overall) – what I do admire about him is the courage to... you know, to look at
himself and at his life and at his deeds, to look them “in the eyes,” and to acknowledge
- and also to share with us – that these were actually attempts to “escape.”
B: But why was he trying to escape – all those things?
A: That, I think, is the right question - it’s good
that you put it that way; not “where,” not even “what from” – but “why.”
Well, I contend that his frantic attempts at escaping are no different than our
own attempts at chasing the ideal place, or
thing, or person, or manner of doing things – the things that we’ve been talking
about. And also that, just like in Greene's case, no matter where we go, and what we try to do... [smiles]
B: What? What are you smiling about?
A: Well, I was just thinking: do we really care about... the transportation system in Japan? Does any of us one just toss and turn, night
after night, waking up in a sweat, torn by the crucial question
of how to reform the transportation system in our country?
B: Ha, ha, ha... no, clearly not...
A: Because that’s not the point, is it – the transportation
system in Japan? That is not the reason why we both heard that news
story, a while ago, and paid attention, and remembered it! And the same with the Finnish educational system,
and so on, and so on... It’s not what these stories are about, but that
they seem to illustrate a country or a place where “things have been
solved,” where everything works just fine; again, an “ideal place," only - just another
version of it...
B: Yes, I would agree.
A: So, the issue, in fact, is not so much about the “what” or the
“where,” but about - what's with this seemingly endless pursuit for things that always seem to leave us ultimately unsatisfied, unfulfilled, "incomplete."
B: Ha, ha! “You complete me!”, said Tom Cruise to Renée
Zellweger...
A: ...in “Jerry Maguire!” Exactly! And then, of course, the
movie ends.
B: But, it turns out (or it would, if the movie would have a
sequel) that, well, she did not actually (and eventually) “complete” him...
A: Nor him, her.
B: Indeed. Look, I am married – even, what they might call,
“happily married;” but, like you said (and, the more I listen to you, the more I
understand what you mean, or so I think), this restless search, truly, never ceases. I mean, we care deeply for each other, me and my wife (even after all these years) - but that chase, as you called it... continues; only now, we do it together. It does not cease... and I wonder why.
A: Me, too, I have been wondering about this, and looking
for answers.
B: And, what have you found?
A: Well, some things... How shall I explain... Well, look –
if we take all these examples we mentioned – tropical island Z, the Finnish educational
reform, or the Japanese transportation system – what do all these things have
in common?
B: Well?
A: Well, they all seem to be variations of the same thing...
B: Of the same thing? How? What do you mean?
A: Well, they all seem to be – how shall I put it... “horizontal”
things, horizontal “ways of escape.”
B: “Horizontal”?
A: Well, I am trying to express myself as clearly as I
can... “horizontal,” meaning variations of the same kind of thing... different places, different times, but always variations of the same... – and always remaining “outside” of us, as it were...
B: “Outside”? How?
A: Think about it: you go to this pristine beach, or to that
wonderful waterfall, or to that ancient forest - but, these are just varieties of “places”...
Or, you find another way of doing this thing or that thing – but these are just
varied ways of “doing things”... Here’s the thing (and I am really struggling
here, trying to express my thoughts and feelings as clearly as possible) – while
we alternate between locations, methods, reforms, diets – the need always seems
to remain the same, unfulfilled.
B: ...
A: So, the “outside” things keep on changing, but our “hunger,”
as you called it – remains the same. So, I vary these outside sort of things,
on, and on, and on – and, clearly, if the answer or solution would be
“outside,” then one of these variations would finally have to work, and the chase would have to end.
B: But it does not end.
A: No, it does not. So, if the external things keep on changing,
and yet the need remains the same, I have to ask myself – through all these
external variations, what is there that always stays the same? What do I
always “take with myself,” wherever I go, whatever I do (while everything
outside, from the specific place to the educational policy, changes)?
B: Well?
A: Well, myself – isn’t it? The one constant amid all
these places, people, or ways of doing things - is myself; so, given the fact
that the “hunger” is the same, never satiated, no matter the external changes, clearly
the origin or solution to the question is not in any of the external variations – but is somewhere inside, within myself. This
is why I can go to a beautiful spot – and still feel (while nevertheless enjoying
the place!) deep down unfulfilled, unsatisfied - even a bit melancholy. So, this
is why I called these solutions, these things that we are chasing, “horizontal,”
because the cause or source of the chase, its origin, seems to not be on the same plane as these... seems to be of a
different nature... in a different direction.
B: Namely?
A: Well, I don't know - perhaps "vertical," or internal, or inner?... I’m
trying to find the right words... In any case, of a different kind and nature and direction,
than the solutions that we are ceaselessly chasing.
B: ...
A: Well, this need seems to be something deep within us, seemingly (perhaps) at the very foundation of our being. Because – and this was a momentous
realization for me, when I understood this – our entire life is
defined and driven by this deep need, starting from childhood! This is why we keep chasing, and projecting, and dreaming, throughout our lives – for an ideal place, an
ideal person, for something in the future... So, so, if this need seems to be determine and to drive our very existence - if it seems to shape, deep down, our entire life - well, then, if ever there was a question to pose, and to try to answer, then this is it. Namely: what is this deep drive, that shapes our entire
existence? What is its origin? Because, if I know what it is, perhaps I can also ...
B: ... get a chance to fill it? to fulfill it?
A: Well, that sounds ambitious... but still, I need to ask! So, yes, indeed - this is the question that's been keeping me up, for
the past, I don’t know, maybe couple of years; and what I’ve been reading,
asking, talking with people (like you) about,,, trying to understand – if
anything, then this!
B: So, what have you found? What have you learned? I am
curious! I am genuinely interested, because I agree with your, let’s say, existential diagnosis.
